The Underside of HP That You Never See
by Cliche Clique of Doom
Summary: Follow Harry, Draco and a group of crazy cows on a crazy journey through the minds of a couple of demented authoress' imagniation!
1. The Prologue

Prologue-

"Enter" Snapped Snape snippily. He was greatly annoyed at being bothered right in the middle of Mr. Darcy's introduction. He has an inkling however at who was knocking at his chamber doors.  
Severus glanced up and was astounded at what he saw. Albus Dumbledore stood mirrored in the doorway wearing a pair of either high-watered khaki pants or very long shorts with deep pockets, a tropical pink and orange silk shirt (halfway unbuttoned reveling a rather yellow undershirt and sticking out from that was some unsightly white chest hair. On his head sat a wide brimmed gardening hat and perched on that was a pair of orange tinted wrap around sunglasses. On his feet were a pair of black flip-flops. Yes indeed, he was a sight for sore eyes.

"What can I do for you Albus?" he asked after he regained his composure. Snape dog-eared page 78 in Pride and Prejudice, placed it in the usually locked compartment in his desk, and promptly folded his hands on his wide desk.

"I have come to invite you to the Hogwarts Staff's End-of-the-Summer-Holiday Annual Picnic. Sherbet lemon, my dear boy?" From his pocket he drew out a colorful bag of sweets and held it out to Snape.

"No, no thank you Albus." He stammered. "What is this End-of-the-Summer-Holiday Annual Picnic rubbish? There has never been such a picnic, much less an annual picnic and might I remind you that I've been here fifteen long years."

"Yes, there has been. We just never invited you until now. Circus Peanut?" From his other pocket he drew out a full bag of this popular American treat and held it out like the lemons.

Severus didn't know if he should be enraged or thankful that he was never invited to such a frivolous event in the past. He itched his knee and looked crossly at old man.

"No, no peanuts for me thanks. I must ask: why now, old man? Why invite me now?" His knee was really itching now. It had done this since he was child, Snape recalled briefly. Whenever he was angry, hurt, afraid or annoyed his knee would start to itch unbearably.

"Well, dear boy I invited a few guests to join us this time and there's a rather lovely young lady I would like you to make an acquaintance with. Her name is Danielle Jocelyn Davis-Le Gras. She is really lovely, SeverusI'm sure you two would make a wonderful match. Diet Pepsi?" he pulled out a liter bottle of the dark fizzy drink and a plastic tumbler.

"No, I have water here, thank you. Are you playing matchmaker again Albus? You do recall last time, when you thought it would be great to lock Miss Weasley and myself in the store pantry of Dungeon B? That poor girl is still going through therapy sessions. When are you going to learn?" Snape said with a stony face.

"When you procure me some grandchildren dear boy. Frosted Poptart?" He pulled out a freshly toasted and still gooey warm breakfast treat from his pocket and offered it to Snape.

"No, not a fan of pop tarts, really. Grandchildren? You're not even related to me! Even if you were you'd be my 5th something great-grandfather. You were over 100 when I was born!" Snape shrieked softly.

"That's what you think dear boy. The picnic begins at 6 o'clock this evening. Remember to bring something to pass around." Dumbledore said with twinkling eyes. "As for myself, I think I am going to have a spot of lunch and then do the finishing touches on the piñata."

Severus grumbled at the retreated backside of his elder mentor. Sometimes he thought Albus a genius among all men, but at times (like these) he was convinced that he was actually a raving lunatic who occasionally got lucky. What was he going to bring to the picnic? He knew, now that he was invited he was expected to come whether he liked it or not. Otherwise, Dumbledore would spring this Danielle on him another time and wouldn't quit until Snape was properly introduced to the young vixen. Snape only hoped that she was over the age of 13 unlike poor Miss Virginia Weasley.

Snape wandered up from the dungeon around 5:55 in the evening with a bottle of fire whiskey in one hand and a half a package of Muggle Oreos in the other. Besides his secret love for Muggle 18th-century romance novels, he had a liking for these delicious biscuits.

The sun was blazing with pre-autumn glory, casting a golden hue on everything it touched. Severus briefly wondered if this is how the world looked in King Midas' day. He stepped out onto the large expanse of grass when it occurred to him that he had no idea where on the grounds the picnic was going to be held.  
With a hand he shaded his eyes a peered towards the lake- no one. Towards the small bunch of trees near the lake-nothing. He looked warily at the Forbidden Forest and was thankful that it seemed quite still at the moment aside from a small group of Holstein cows who were standing in a circle and eating grass presumably. Snape didn't pay much attention. He heard a jolly giant's laugh from beyond the groundskeeper's hut. He strained his eyes and much to his horror he found the group of teachers all nestled comfortably just out of reach of the whomping willow's branches, which were trying (in vain) to swat them like flies. He shoved three Oreos in his mouth and started across the grounds.

Five minutes later he was plainly within sight of the other teachers who were laughing and guffawing and waving merrily to the Potions master. Snape growled at himself now for coming to this wretched picnic.

"Severus, how wonderful for you to join us this year!" Professor Sprout said while she slopped over her goblet of butterbeer. She grabbed the now half empty bottle of fire whiskey and examined the label.

Snape threw aside the empty package of Oreos and took a seat furthest from the tree. Albus was merrily transfiguring fallen leaves into small picnic tables with attached seats. Flitwick was charming a bottle of yellow jelly beans to fly and glow, and McGonagall was setting the table with dishes transfigured from blades of grass. Helping was a young women who Snape presumed to be young Danielle Jocelyn Davis-Le Gras. She had short, boyish cut hair that was the same color as thousand island salad dressing. Her wide eyes were a blue-hazel that complemented her plain, robin-egg-blue shirt and loose white cotton pants.  
She had very white teeth when she smiled and horridly cute dimples. Snape sneered and redirected his attention to the small gaggle of women seated near him.

"1745 Severus! Where did you find this vintage whiskey?" giggled Madam Hooch.

"The wine cellar actually. In addition, that's not the age date, Hestia. That's the founding date of the company. That bottle there is a 1995 I believe." Snape said.

"Aw, bugger" hiccupped Professor Sprout.

Ten minutes later and after a very exciting moment when one of Professor Flitwick's flying jelly beans accidentally lodged itself in one of Snape's nostrils causing a brief panic, the official picnic started.

Severus sat next to Albus at the end of one of the small tables. Danielle (much to his disliking) sat across from him, throwing him cheering grins on occasion. He focused himself on picking the tomatoes out of Poppy's taco salad. Speaking of salads, Snape was astounded at all the cold salads the women of Hogwarts brought to the picnic. He was especially surprised when he spotted Minerva's biscuit salad at the other end of the table. He jabbed Albus straight away to pass the bowl down and proceeded to fill half his plate with it and the other half taco salad. He passed the bowls across to Danielle who thanked him as if he had passed the cure to cancer to a leukemia patient.

"Oh, thank you so much!" her teeth were very white and straight Severus noticed. "I don't believe we were properly introduced. I'm Danielle Jocelyn Davis-Le Gras." She stuck her hand out across the table. Snape took it, noticing how very small it was compared to his.

"Professor Snape" he grunted lowly before he took his hand back and redirected his attention to his biscuit salad. He noted that she used off brand biscuit.

"What do you teach Professor Snape?" she pressed.

"Potions" he responded quickly and looked back at his biscuit salad. He wasn't in the mood to talk to this woman, but she didn't look like she was going to give up anytime soon.

"Ah, fascinating! I actually took N.E.W.T.S. potions myself. I really love the theory classes." She never lost eye contact with him as she said this. He tried to break it off a few times but her eyes always found his. He grumbled sometimes at the moments when she took a breath.

"Has anyone ever told you that you have beautiful eyes?" she squeed placing one of her small hands on his.

He shook with horror, gasped in shock, choked on his biscuit salad and pleaded silently to Albus sitting next to him. He was eating herring on crackers at the moment and only gave away that he had heard Danielle by his sly smile.

"Excuse me, Miss Davis-Le Gras!" Snape snapped snippily trying to pull his hand away but she was firmly holding on.

"They're really lovely actually, is that your natural color?" she used her other hand to brush aside Snape's hair. "Oh and you have soft, silky hair. What kind of shampoo do you use?"

"I think we all want to know that answer, Severus," interjected Minerva McGonagall over her bottle of ginger ale that Albus had pulled from his back pocket earlier.

"M&M Severus?" Albus pulled a pound bag from his left pocket and offered him the bag.

"No, no M&Ms for me thanks. Ms. Davis, and professor, I do not intend to answer any of those questions! Now, go back and chat among yourselves and let me eat my food in peace." Snape was nearing boil point. He dug into his salad and hoped his demand was heeded.

"He's a bit shy isn't he? I find that darling, really," Danielle said across the table to Minerva.

"Yep, shy and ugly, that's our Sevvie," she giggled, taking another swig of her ginger ale.

Severus chose to ignore this and not look too hurt by it. He turned promptly and engaged Albus in conversation.

"After this meal what else do we do Albus? Are we free to leave?" He asked crossing his fingers for luck.

"Leave? No no, dear boy! We have picnic activities! We have a piñata, a water gun fight, bobbing for shrunken heads and the Annual relay races around the lake. Men vs. the Women this year! Candied ham?" He pulled out a 7 pound ham from his far back pocket (complete with a glass tray) and offered it to Severus.

"Eh…. no." responded Severus. He was becoming worried over what else might be in those pockets.

Thirty minutes later, all the teachers (and Danielle) sat in a semi-circle around Dumbledore who was holding a clip board and was standing in front of a piñata shaped like a Jersey cow.

Snape scooted to the right a bit while Dumbledore read off the rules. Danielle had grabbed the spot next to him in the back and was leaning all too close.

"Are there any questions?" asked Dumbledore. Five or six of the teachers raised their hands.

"Yes Madam Pomfrey?" Dumbledore pointed at her.

"How many swings do we get?" she squeaked. (A/N: squeak? Can you tell that I need a nap?)

"As I said already, each person gets 4 swings. Next question, you, Danielle."

"Can we have partners when we swing?" she giggled and looked at Snape. He was currently sitting 5 feet behind the groups. She kept leaning very close to him and he was feeling slightly uncomfortable.

"No, sorry dear you can't. Next question!" Dumbledore chuckled merrily as he took a bite out of a raw string bean. "No one else? Alright then! Hestia would you like to start? Grab a blindfold from that table and come over here. I'll put it on." Hestia stood up, grabbed a blindfold and strided over to Dumbledore.

"Alright, you're set, now spin" said Albus. Madam Hooch leaned double, set her forehead on the end of the bat and spun around 5 times and them promptly fell over. "The ground... it moves!

Next up was Albus himself. He too missed the piñata but did manage to hook into a crock-pot of Green Bean Hot dish and smash it to bits.

"Oh, jelly bean, Albus! That was my best crock pot!" shrieked Madam Pince. Albus looked sheepish, pulled out his wand from his left pocket and restored it. The hot dish however was ruined.

"Sorry dear, but speaking of jelly beans would you like one?" He pulled out a bag of yellow and pink jelly beans. Severus just shook his head.

'What in jumping Jesus am I doing here!' Severus thought to himself. (a/n: has anyone ever thought to anyone else but themselves? I think not)

"Severus would you like a go at it?" Albus held out the stick to him.

"No" Snape grunted. Danielle was hanging on his arm almost nonchalantly, but when he tried to pull away, he found she had a surprisingly firm grip on him.

"Aw come on Sevvie! Use those big muscles of yours!" pinching his upper arm with her free hand.

"No, now let go of me." He pulled away from herso hard that he ended on his feet and she was standing with him.

"Excellent idea Severus! Let's have our rally! Severus for the men and Danni for the women!" Flitwick squeaked.

Severus didn't know how it happened but 5 minutes later he was at the starting line of the race and Albus had just shot the starting pistol. He shook his head and start to run. Severus and Danielle raced around the third bend of the lake. They had left poor Professor Flitwick in the dust about a league back. Suddenly, and without warning, both of them stopped short and gazed at what they saw.

A group of cows stood blocking their way. They were all dressed in blood red smocks and one was holding an ax. That one was looking at Severus' leather shoes with a manic glee in his eye.

fades to black


	2. Leather

Chapter 1- the nameless chapter

It had been a mostly fun summer for Ginny Weasley. Her brother's best friend, Harry Potter, had come to stay, and the three of them spent every day practicing Quidditch, which was, in her opinion, the best game in the world. Ginny had been made a Chaser the past year, Ron was the Keeper, and Harry was the team's Seeker and captain. They played together all summer and developed strategies for the upcoming season, which would be Harry and Ron's last. It was great exercise, flying around all day, and all three had gotten tanned, despite the fact that Ginny and Ron had fair, freckled skin that didn't ever seem to tan before.

The only thing that troubled her was, Harry. He'd been acting strange-well, strange for him. He was very short-tempered lately and snapped at her and Ron whenever they weren't playing Quidditch together. Or, he was off in the twin's old room brooding (when he wasn't dodging curses that they'd left behind.) Something seemed to be troubling him, and she couldn't figure out what. It was quite depressing, really. Good thing they played Quidditch every day.

The summer was nearing its close, and the trip back to Hogwarts would be the next day. Ginny was secretly very excited about this-though not for the reasons you might think. She was excited to see Draco Malfoy at the train station. Just see him, mind you, no one wanted to talk to him, of course. Just look. Last year, Draco had arrived at Platform 9 ¾ wearing these very tight blue jeans and a black leather jacket over a black tee shirt. O my, o my. Every girl who'd seen him (even Mrs. Weasley!) practically drowned in their drool. And Draco, of course, suave as ever, didn't seem to notice. But those jeans and the black leather jacket came out again every Hogsmeade trip. Oh, how Ginny loved Hogsmeade weekends now... She'd even started having dreams about that black leather jacket... Oh...

Oh, wait. Where's Harry today? She had gone out to the back yard to meet Ron and Harry for their last game of threesome Quidditch before school started. But she only found Ron.

"Hey Ron!" she called. "Where's Harry?"

"He went out shopping today. Said he had to get some new clothes before school started."

"Oh, really." Ginny didn't believe this for a moment. Harry was a typical boy who hated shopping and who couldn't care less what his clothes looked like.

"Guess it's you and me, sis. How 'bout we try out that new maneuver we came up with last week?"

And so Ginny and Ron practiced flying tricks for the rest of the afternoon until dinner time. Harry only showed up back at the burrow after dessert had finished and immediately proceeded up to the twins' room with so much as saying 'hello' to the Weasleys.

The next morning was a whirl of activity as Ron and Ginny tried to get their things together for the trip to King's Cross Station. Ron had lost half his socks, Pigwidgeon was flapping about like he was on crack, and Ginny couldn't remember where she'd set down her pretty new earrings.

But Harry was calm and collected.

And he looked very different.

Oh, thought Ginny as she descended the staircase, tugging her trunk and finding Harry sitting in the living room. He did go shopping for new clothes yesterday.

When Ginny arrived at Platform 9 ¾, she noticed something odd. 

There are an awful lot of girls here. And I don't know any of them.

She noticed a small group of them to the side, giggling and gasping over a newspaper. Ginny decided to walk up to them and ask who they were.

"Er-hello. I'm Ginny, and I don't believe I've ever seen any of you at Hogwarts before."

A pretty blond girl was the first to answer, holding out her hand to Ginny. "Hi, I'm Mary Sue." She had a pretty smile, twinkling blue eyes, and excellent fashion sense.

"Hi, Mary Sue," Ginny said as she shook Mary Sue's hand.

She proceeded to meet Maria Suzanne, Marie Suzie, Marilou Susan, and Maryanna Suzette.

"What are you reading there?" Ginny asked.

Marilou Suan, a brunette with curly, shoulder-length hair and large chocolate eyes, flipped her hair and answered. "Well, the news just came out today. We were coming to King's Cross to see Draco Malfoy anyway-"

All five girls proceeded to giggle and swoon.

"Yeah, we did. We totally had to see what he'd show up wearing this year," said Maria Suzanne, a short Asian girl with shiny black hair done up in a bun.

Ginny blushed, knowing she'd looked forward to the same thing.

Marilou Susan giggled, then continued. "But now, Draco Malfoy is engaged! Like, can you believe it?"

Ginny felt her jaw drop. He's only 17! How can he be engaged? Probably to that dog, Pansy Parkinson.

"Yeah, but who he's engaged to is the craziest thing!" Squealed Marie Suzie, clutching her small hands together. While she jumped up and down, her red curls bounced like a fire on her head.

"Who, then?" Ginny asked, getting quite curious.

"Harry Potter!" All five girls screamed, and proceeded to push Ginny out of the way, having just seen Harry arrive.

Draco is engaged to Harry?

Ginny heard a collective scream from every female under 50 on the platform. She turned and saw the reason.

She already knew Harry had decided upon a new look. She figured he'd just given in to reflecting his inner angst as a fashion statement. Harry wore black, leather trousers and a tight black tee shirt. The sleeves were small enough that they showed off his bulging muscles gained through all his Quidditch practice. His muscles were accented by a tribal-arm band tattoo around each bicep.

Merlin's beard, he's hot.

But Harry was not the only one with a new look. Harry was currently standing in front of, and glaring daggers at, Draco Malfoy.

Ginny herself turned into a lust-puddle.

Draco had always had a fair complexion. But today, he made it beautiful. He wore white leather, head to toe. He had on very tight white leather pants and a long white leather jacket that opened just enough to reveal his sculpted, bare chest. He had grown out his hair this summer as well, and had it tied back with sexy whisps of hair loose around his face.

It was like watching the contrast between good and evil come to life on Platform 9 ¾ that day. Black met white. Dark met light. They couldn't have looked more different or more the same. It was like a Double-Stuffed Oreo Cookie, those two standing there in contrasting colors.

Yummy.

Silver met emerald as the two men stared at one another.

"Potter, can't you come up with an original look? Or are you purposefully copying my own black leather statement from last year?" Draco drawled, as all the fangirls around him shivered and swooned.

"Eat dung, Malfoy." Harry responded, as all the fangirls around him squealed.

"Excuse me? Excuse me, Draco," a small girl with a blonde ponytail and deep brown eyes tapped him on his shoulder.

Draco whirled around to face her. "What?"

"Um, um... My friends and I, um, well, we all came from America to see you and,..." all the girls nearby nodded and looked very nervous.

"And?" Draco looked quite put out.

"And well," she went on bravely. "Could you strut a bit for us? And then maybe we could get your autograph?" She asked hopefully.

"No autographs. But you can take pictures." Draco answered, giving the girls a suave smile and turning elegantly toward the train. His white leather coat billowed out as he paraded himself down the platform. Before he boarded the train, he looked back at the girls and winked. Flashes went off from all over as the girls took their pictures. Then they all fainted.

Harry rolled his eyes and reached over to take Ginny's arm. "Come on, Gin. We should get on the train. And NO pictures of me! Get off!" He swatted at a girl with frizzy black hair who was clutching aa his shirt, pulling it out of his trousers so that another girl with waist-length brown hair was able reach up his shirt to stroke his stomach.

Ginny hung back a bit to get a good look at Harry's posterior in his tight pants.

Harry moved on ahead, swimming through the gaggle of girls to join Ron and Hermione. Just then, Ginny heard something very strange. It sounded like cowbells, there in the train station. She turned back and was astonished at what she saw. In the back corner of the platform were three black and white cows, looking over toward where Harry had been standing just moments earlier. If Ginny didn't know better, she'd have thought they were talking amongst themselves conspiratorially.

"Alright, so here's the story. I got a letter halfway through the summer from the Ministry of Magic. It appears they are instituting some crazy Marriage Law. It's all about trying to promote tolerance or some load of dung. Anyway, they've ordered me to marry Draco, or my wand will be snapped and I'll be excommunicated from the wizarding world."

Harry's news was met with silence. Ron's mouth was agape, Hermione stared back in shock before turning to rummage through her schoolbooks what did she expect to learn that would help anyway?. and Ginny just got very red in the face with anger.

"How can they make you do this, Harry?" Ginny asked.

"That's disgusting, mate." Ron said. "I think I'm gone be sick..." And indeed, Ron had started to turn a bit green.

Ginny's anger continued to flare. "But why you?" Why the two most beautiful men in the world?

"Haven't you seen the new Witch Weekly?" Harry asked Ginny in return.

Ginny of course, had seen the latest Witch Weekly. She'd plastered her walls with the pictures of Draco and Harry that had been published in it. The magazine had started a list of the top ten most eligible wizards, and Draco and Harry had tied for first place.

"The Ministry decided the law would receive the most acceptance if the two Most Eligible Bachelors were selected."

At this, Ron started to grumble. Ron had been selected only as the fourth Most Eligible Bachelor, after Oliver Wood, who'd been voted third. Ron had stewed over this all week. She kept hearing him mumble something to the effect of "Bigger staff my-".

"Oh man," Ron said, looking bewildered. "I'm glad I only was fourth, mate. Wow, what a mind job."

"Yeah, hopefully that's the only kind of job." Harry replied with a smirk.


	3. Dreams and Cows

DREAM SEQUENCE

Harry was walking along a long, brightly candlelit corridor, till he reached a door labelled _DEWY_.

"Dewy?" Harry asked, arching his eyebrow. He knocked on the door andit slid open. "Hello?" 

"Oh, Hello." Harry guessed this must be Dewy. He couldn't place any striking features or a body for that matter, but Harry was drawn to this... Dewy.

"You guessed right." Dewy said, coming down the ladder.

"Where am I?" Harry asked, looking around.

"Depends on where you want to be. On an island, flying, or hangin' with your friends," Dewy began, but seeing the look on Harry's face he continued, "I should clarify, Welcome to the Realms of Your Mind."

Harry was dumbfounded.

"You might wanna be careful, your face could stick like that."

Harry shot a furtive look towards Dewy.

"Nice try, kid, I see everything that happens inside your head."

"Did I make you up in some weird, demented time of my life?" Harry asked, following Dewy around his office, if that was to be what it was called.

"No, everyone has a Dewy, we just go by different names based on the person. Like your friend 'Mione, her Dewy is called Morpheus, after the Greek God of dreams, and Ron's is Marvin the Paranoid Android." 

Harry began to look at the books on the shelf. _Harry's first steps, Harry's S List, Life with the Dursley's_ but the one that caught his attention was _The Night Voldemort Vanished_ Harry's jaw dropped, but as he reached for it, Dewy stopped him.

"No."

"Hey, its my head." Harry was becoming angry. Who was this DEWY to stop him from seeing what really happened that night, the night that had plagued him for his whole life. "Why?"

"Because, you are not ready to learn that truth, Come."

**CHANGING POV: **

Back in the real world, Harry had been kidnapped by the group of cows who were at the station and the picnic earlier that day. Harry was not the only one; Draco Malfoy was also stolen in the mist of the night. The Order was collected as soon as they got word of what happened. Dumbledore read the first clue:

_If you wish them no harm, it would be best to hurry to the spot where you can score 10 points each. There you will find your next clue._

"10 points...10 points... Ah! Quidditch!" Moody yelled. Everyone sped down to the pitch.

**BACK to the DREAM:**

Dewy led Harry up a flight of a golden spiral staircase with velvet carpeting, that lead to two massive double doors marked **Childhood Memories**. Harry felt heavy walking though this door.

"That's normal, most people don't like their childhood." (A/N: Isis did! prefers it to adulthood really.) (Miz. F.: I disagree. I love being an Adult.) "So let's begin here, Harry."

Harry was in awe as they walked along this steel walkway. On either side lay pools of silver, much like Unicorn's blood or the pensive.

"Those are your memories." Dewy said pointing to the pools.

"Would you quit that? It's annoying." Harry said.

"Sorry, but if you had created some imagingary friends I wouldn't do it as much."

This was one dream for the _History of Weird Dreams_ book that Harry saw earlier. Dewy and Harry continued walking along, Dewy was pointing things out, but Harry wasn't paying attention. He had this sudden, warningless urge to jump into the memories. Once again, Dewy stopped him.

"I swear, you humans don't like to listen! When I want to show you a memory I will. Now look at this one." Dewy waved his hand in front of him and a memory rose out of the silverness. (A/N:I've been obessed with the suffix "ness" lately.LOL!) Harry looked at Dewy, who had summoned a tub of popcorn.

"How did you do that?" 

"The mind is a powerful thing, you can do anyhting you want up here."

"Like this?" Harry asked, then Dewy looked around then down. He was dressed was a clown and just of an extra measure Harry added a red wig that stood 5 inches off his head. Dewy waved his hand again and the new memory came up, Harry at his first day of Primary School, about to recieve a swirly from Dudley and Company.

"Alright, draw." Harry called out, tweaked that Dewy would sink that low.

"Fine, lets continue." With one more wave of his hand, Dewy conjured a memory Harry didn't even know existed.

_Lily Potter held her child, with James on right and Sirius on her left the priest blessed the child and christened him Harry. Harry James Potter. Just then, a very angry Mr. Malfoy and a very pregnant Mrs. Malfoy burst though the church doors._

"The deal is off Potter. We've having a son as well."

"Lucius, You know its magically bound. There's no way out. Believe me, we want out too." 

Harry quit paying attention. So it was true, those Mary Sues weren't saying that just to get him and Draco to strut their leather.

**BACK to the ORDER:**

Stuck to the middle goal post was the next clue:

_Here's a keeper, where he rest his head, you will be one step closer to finding them._

Tonks messed with her hair colour. "Wait, Ron!" She tore off to the Gryffindor tower and stopped. "Minerva, I need the password!"

McGonagall sighed, "Metamorphmagus." 

"Really? Cool." Then she was gone.

**Back in DREAM world:**

"Come on. I still have more to show you." Dewy said laying his hand on Harry's shoulder. Once again they climbed the stairs. When they reached the top, Harry's stomach dropped into his feet. **Wishes and Aspirations**. Would he see everything in here?

"Kid, there isn't much I don't know about you."

"Would you stop that!" 

"Sorry."

As they walked though the double doors, Harry immediately ducked, glad that Quidditch quickened his reflexes as he looked around and saw things were flying everywhere: books, snitches, blugders, and pictues of Tonks.

"I already know the answer, but who's Tonks?" Dewy asked. Harry went red. Since last summer Harry has always had a thing for her. She was the deciding factor for Harry becoming an Auror.

"She's a member of the Order, and we're friends."

"But you wish she was more?" Dewy smirked, although Harry couldn't see him do it, he knew.

"Well..." He started but couldn't come up with anything.

"Well, I will give you this she is pretty, and a lot more cheerful than that last one." 

**REAL WORLD:**

"Ron! Get up! Now!" 

"Tonks? Where am I?"

"Just move your head!" Tonks reached under his pillow and found the next clue. She ran down the stairs to the Common Room where the others waited for her.

You're so close, you can smell it. In the room where our last clue is you can smell many different things. Think herbs.

All at once they screamed "Greenhouse!"

**Dream:** (A/N: its late!)

Dewy once again began to asend the golden stairs with Harry in tow. Harry couldn't believe the name of this department, **Misc. Memories **.

"Couldn't think of anything better?" Harry asked.

"Department rules. My hands are tied." Dewy said, shrugging. Harry just shook his head. The final doors swung open and it looked like thousands of tvs, showing different channels. As Harry looked closer he saw him and Ron playing chess, which Harry had become quite good at.

"So, what is it here that you wanna show me?"

"Actually, this is just a shortcut back to my office, because I'm goiing to give you something from there."

Harry thought maybe it would be the book.

"Aww, don't ruin the surprise," Dewy said, looking at him. Dewy walked over to one "tv" that was blank and lifted it. "Jump in."

Harry jumped in and slid down a long, long tube that seemed to never end. Harry could hear Dewy behind him. Harry finally crashed on some pillows and Dewy soon followed suit.

"Has that always been there? It was fun." Harry said laughing.

"Nah, I just installed it about a year ago." Dewy said as he glided to the bookcase. "Here. You need to know the past in order to defeat the near future. Goodbye for now Harry, and stop back in tomorrow night." 

**FADE to BLACK**, in the distance Harry heared music and whimpering.

Harry opened his eyes to see a sea of white and black while the music got louder. He still didn't know where the whimpering was coming from. The cows formed into little groups and two lead cows came forward and began their song.

Cow #1: It's astounding, Time is fleeting, Madness takes its toll. But listen closely...  
Cow#2:Not for very much longer.  
Cow#1: I've got to keep control. I remember doing the time warp Drinking those moments when the blackness would hit me  
Cow#1&2: And a void would be calling...  
Cohrus of Cows: Let's do the time warp again.  
ISIS: Its' Just a jump to the left jumps to the Left  
Chorus: And then a step to the ri-ri-right.  
ISIS: With your hands on your hips. hands on hips  
Chorus: You bring your knees in tight. But it's the pelvic thrust, that really drives you insane.  
Let's do the time warp again. Let's do the time warp again.  
Cow#2: It's so dreamy, oh fantasy free me. So you can't see me, no, not at all. In another dimension, with voyeuristic intention, well secluded, I see all.  
Cow#1: With a bit of a mind flip  
Cow#2: You're into the time slip.  
Cow#1:And nothing can ever be the same.  
Cow#2: You're spaced out on sensation.  
Cow#1: Like you're under sedation.  
Corus: Let's do the time warp again. Let's do the time warp again.  
Cow#3:Well I was walking down the street just having a think When this snake of a guy gave me an evil wink. He shook me up, he took me by surprise, he had a pickup truck, and the devil's eyes.He stared at me and I felt a change. Time meant nothing, never would again.  
Chorus: Let's do the time warp again. Let's do the time warp again.  
ISIS: It's just a jump to the left! Jumps to the left  
Corus: And then a step to the ri-ri-right.  
ISIS: With your hands on your hips...  
Chorus: You bring your knees in tight. But it's the pelvic thrust, that really drives you insane. Let's do the time warp again.Let's do the time warp again.  
Chorus: Let's do the time warp again. Let's do the time warp again.  
ISIS: It's just a jump to the left! On the desk, jumping to the left  
Chorus: And then a step to the right.  
ISIS: With your hands on your hips!  
Chorus: You bring your knees in tight. But it's the pelvic thrust That really drives you insane. Let's do the time warp again. Let's do the time warp again.  
Music Ends

(One last time for now)Order:

As they searched the greenhouse for the clue, or the boys, they began to worry that something truly bad had happened. This time Dumbledore found the clue.

Congratulations, by this time we have already scared them into never wearing leather again so you may have them back. They are sleeping at the Shrieking Shack. Thanks for Playing.  
Love,  
The Cows muah

http: Thanks to phredtheflyingmonkey for the lyrics (Isis was lazy and didn't wanna look the lyrics up)


	4. Kidnappings and Dates

**Kidnappings and Dates**

Dumbledore, Tonks, McGonagall and Moody ran all the way to the Shrieking Shack panting when they arrived. They called out for Harry and Draco but received no answer. Frantically they began to search for clues; it was Tonks that found it.

"Look here!" she shouted as she found a letter written with a muggle device Tonks explained to be called a pen.

_To Dumbledore:_

_The cows were fools. Like, far too easy to follow, you know. So once they were done with them, we like took them instead! Because they are so hot in their leather outfits, that we just couldn't allow the cows to scare them out of it. _

_There is no need to look for them. We have like the perfect place to keep them because my daddy is like really really rich and we….stop it Ma…see you almost made me say you name. We have to be like careful and stuff. Oh, right! Got ya. _

_So anyway, get used to them being gone, because we're keeping them!_

_By y'all! Have a nice day._

The Order was stunned. Harry was gone, kidnapped and they wouldn't get him back.

"At least he's safe from Voldemort!" said Moody in an attempt to liven the mood.

"That is true, but this will still have a horrible effect on the spirits on Hogwarts," said Dumbledore picking out a bag of chips from his pocket.

"How horrible it is to be written by an author that doesn't even know that it's called crisps --not chips-- in Britain!" exclaimed Professor McGonagall suddenly, before she remembered that Harry and Draco were actually kidnapped and that they had more important problems on their minds. "Parents will be worried," she then added. "It is serious if we cannot protect our students from kidnappings," she stated plainly. The rest of them nodded as they shared the bag of chips-- sorry Professor – crisps. (A/N: Sour cream and onion by the way. They were always my favorite.)

"Maybe if you distracted the students?" Tonks suggested hesitantly.

"That isn't a bad idea, Miss Tonks," Dumbledore answered pulling out a bottle of Coca Cola from his other pocket, taking a sip. "Maybe a ball to cheer them up…A Thanksgiving ball perhaps," he said with a twinkle in his eye.

"But Albus, do you really think that is advisable? We are in Britain after all and Thanksgiving is an American holiday. I mean the person writing this isn't even American? How is she going to know anything about Thanksgiving?"

"I think it's a wonderful idea!" exclaimed Tonks. "I'm sure the other writers can write the ball part, and Thanksgiving is earlier than Christmas at least. The fact that the students don't know anything about it either will only distract them further."

"I do believe you're right Miss Tonks," said Dumbledore. "I'll announce the Thanksgiving ball at breakfast, after I inform the students about the disappearance of Harry and Draco," he concluded, and put the litter back in his pockets. Together they headed back to Hogwarts, where the students were already gathering for breakfast.

* * *

Harry and Draco woke with a terrible headache. Confused they looked at each other, both repulsed at the thought of waking up next to one another. _Gross, this will be the rest of my life soon,_ Harry found himself thinking. 

"What are you staring at, Potter? Try keeping your eyes in your sockets!" Draco snorted, annoyed by the repulsed look in Harry's face, even if he would never admit it openly even to himself.

"Girls, I think our two most dreamily hunky guys just woke up," a light flattering voice called behind them. Quickly, both Harry and Draco turned around to watch the stunningly beautiful girls standing behind them in very dramatic poses.

"Who're you?" asked Draco haughtily. The very pretty girls looked very offended.

"Wait-- I recognize you," Harry exclaimed, making a few of the girls look at him with anticipation. "You were the anno…hm, the girls at the train station," he said holding his breath until he realized that the girls hadn't noticed what he almost said, which was quite a while because he really found it hard to judge from the screaming if they were upset or happy. After turning completely blue in the face he finally decided that they were happy he recognized him and started breathing again.

"Why am I here?" asked Draco still annoyed. "And where is here – by the way?" he then added.

"Where here is, is none of your business," one of the pretty girls, a brunette with curly shoulder-length hair and large chocolate eyes, said. "As for why – you are here to please us and our friends. For as long as we want you to!"

"By strutting for us in those hot leather suits you've got on there," giggled another of the girls, this one with long wavy blond hair that fell in cascades down her back and complemented her deep blue eyes perfectly.

Surprised Harry looked down to realize that he was wearing his black leather pants and tight black T-shirt that he had the day they went to Hogwarts. Giving Draco a glance, he realized that he too was dressed in what he wore on the Hogwarts Express.

"And why would I do that?" snapped Draco. "I can turn each and every one of you into toads if I want to!"

"Not when we have your wands," a short Asian girl with shiny black hair giggled as the brunette held up both their wands. Harry gulped. Without their wands they were stuck doing what ever these crazy girls wanted to.

Draco's next comment seemed to tell him that Draco thought along the same lines. "You just wait until my father finds this out! He's not going to be happy!" he pouted.

Seeing his pouting lower lip the girls almost went crazy swooning and giggling all over the place. _I don't see what's so special about it,_ Harry thought, annoyed.

"But girls, like, where are our manners? I mean, like, we have to, like, introduce ourselves," the brunette said. "I'm Marilue Susan, this is Mary Sue," she said pointing to the blonde girls with the very pretty blue eyes. Mary Sue waved and smiled a very pretty smile showing her very even white teeth. "That is Maria Suzanne, Maryanna Suzette and finally Marie Suzie," she said pointing to the rest of the girls in the room.

Harry waved sheepishly back to the girls, whostarted jumping up and down immediately screaming when he did.

"Outside that doorare some of our closest friends," the Asian girl said pointing to a door .

"There is Magdalene Susanna," the red-head Marie Suzie said.

"And Marianne Sukie," Mary Sue said.

"And Maire Suse," continued Maryanna Suzette. They then went on giving the names of at least ten more girls all named Maria/Mary/Mariann and Sue-something. This was all very confusing.

"Now they've all come to see you strut!" said Maryanna Suzette.

"So you'd better do a good job!" added Marie Suzie.

"At least if you want your wands back!" added Marilue Susan tossing her hair in a very attractive manner. Maria Suzanne walked over to the door to open it, Mary Sue walked over to what Harry recognized as a stereo.

"Now before we begin, take your positions," Marilue Susan directed pointing to a huge runway that Harry hadn't noticed before. Not seeing another option ,Harry walked over to the runway and climbed up.

"If you think I'm going to strut together with that looser, you are very mistaken!" said Draco with a disgusted look on his face. "I strut alone, thank you!"

"You'll strut together if you want your wand, sweetie," giggled Marilue Susan in the most enchanting ,yet demanding, way. Grumpily, Draco climbed up on the runway.

"Eat my dust Potter! You know nothing about the art of strutting!" Draco said venomously as he struck a pose.

"That coming from someone who can't even hear Voldemort's name without twitching!" Harry responded, happy to see Draco cringe at the name.

Suddenly the doors opened and a large group of very pretty girls filled the room, screaming and giggling and swooning when they spotted Harry and Draco staring angrily at each other. When the beautiful girls had taken seats in the chairs placed around the runway, Marilue Susan nodded to Mary Sue who started the stereo.

Draco started to strut the moment he herd the tune of _I'm too sexy for my shirt_ filling the room. Harry was a bit slower, but mostly because he was surprised to hear a muggle song Dudley used to listen to when he strutted his pork around the house, here of all places. Taking a deep breath he pushed the image of Dudley out of his mind and started strutting as Draco turned at the front of the runway.

* * *

Hermione was sitting in the Great Hall nibbling on the toast in front of her. Ron was sitting next to her talking about something, but she didn't listen. She was far too busy getting lost in how Zabini's raven-black hair glistened as it caught the light of the rising sun this beautiful autumn day. 

She wished he hadn't been a Slytherin, or that he paid some attention to her at least. She had secretly been wishing he would ask her to the ball since the Thanksgiving ball was first announced. Who cared what anyone else thought? Who cared that he was Slytherin? Who wouldn't want to be held tight by those strong muscular arms in a dance?

Ron was hardly looking at Hermione. He was too nervous. He was going to ask her to the Thanksgiving ball, he had decided. So why was he so nervous? She had told him to ask her next time, and not as a last resort. Well this wasn't a last resort. Just looking at how her hair flowed down her back like a waterfall of curls almost to her slim waist he felt his stomach jolt. She had really filled out in all the right places during the last few weeks and she was no longer a girl but a beautiful woman that made his heart beat faster.

Ron was still babbling about something, but Hermione no longer tried to listen. She only had eyes for Zabini. Her hearts beating blocked out all sounds from the world as he lifted his deep blue eyes from his breakfast plate and looked straight at her. She could drown in those ocean blue eyes, completely drown, and she didn't even mind. She felt the heat rise in her face, but she did not take her eyes of Zabini, not for a second. If she could get lost in those eyes for only a second longer, heaven waited her there.

She was blushing! Whatever he was saying made her blush. He wasn't aware of what he was saying because he was so caught up in looking at her delicate porcelain skin, which wasturning the most delicate shade of pink. If he had been aware of what he was saying he might have found it surprising that a conversation about how Snape made him collect rat-droppings for two hours during last nights detention would make her blush, but since he wasn't paying attention to his own rambling that didn't bother him at all. Instead he focused on the lovely pink shade on Hermione's apple cheeks and on how she wouldn't even meet his eyes, but stared out in the Hall without even noticing that she was looking straight at Zabini.

He was so handsome. How could anyone be that handsome? She would never turn her eyes away from him again, she thought as she faintly heard the owls filling the Great Hall. She didn't even react to the owl sitting down in front of her until it nibbled her finger hard to get her attention.

Annoyed at the interruption, she looked down at the owl in front of her. She stretched out her hand and untied the letter it was carrying and gave it a piece of bacon before it flew off again. Looking at the letter she saw it was from the Ministry, and with great curiosity, she opened it up and began to read.

_Dear Miss Granger_

_We hereby inform you that the Ministry of Marital Affairs after vast research has found out that you in fact are a pureblood witch of a very noble lineage. As such you by law (Marriage Act 3934, section 376k, paragraph 637-7584) are no longer free to choose a husband for yourself but one will be appointed to you in order to preserve the heritage of lineage. A suitable husband has therefore been appointed to you. The name of the man in question is Theodore Augustus Zachary Nathanial Nott XIII. Consideration have been taken to both lineage, age and inter-house co-operation._

_In accordance with the law (Marriage Act 4534, section 826q, paragraph 643-6519) the engagement will last for no less than 3 months and no longer than 1 year. We expect to hear from you about the date of marriage no later than October 1. _

_With best wishes _

_Rechnalia Bertobia_

_Ministry of Marital Affairs_

_PS: For further information about your lineage contact the Gregoria Noseia at the Ministry of Family Affairs_.

Hermione was stunned. She was a pure-blooded witch? Of noble lineage? But how? She didn't understand. All she knew was that if this was right then she would never get to feel Zabini's strong masculine arms embrace her. She would have to make due with Nott's stingy ones. She suddered. Then the thought hit her as a lightning from a clear blue sky. A prank! Yes it was all a prank. It was probably the twins pulling her leg.

She looked at Ron, ready to scold him in his brother's place, but realized that he was as stunned as she was. Not to mention furious. He was ranting above what the letter said in a almost amusing manner Hermione thought, still convinced it was a prank.

She was just about to tell him it was all a prank when she saw in the corner of her eye Nott and Zabini bent over a letter just like hers, staring at her from across the hall. As she looked across the Hall into Zabini's ocean blue eyes filled with pain and she knew it was true. She was going to marry Nott.

* * *

"No more, please no more. I can't strut any longer! We've done nothing but strut for you and your friends for the last two weeks!" Harry pleaded. 

Maria Suzanne smiled one of her very pretty smiles, but did not fall for his begging. "If you want your wands back you'll strut for us as much as we want you to!" she just said giggling.

"You just wait until my dad finds out about this!" complained Draco moodily. For once, Harry wished Mr. Malfoy would find out, he didn't know how long he could take this. His feet were killing him by now.

_And why should he be afraid of Mr Malfoy? He would be his father-in-law soon enough anyway. That's an in-law problem if any_…he thought, sniggering to himself remembering the advice column in Witch Weekly he used to read when he could manage to get a hand on Ginny's copy. _Dear Emma – I have a problem, my future father-in-law keeps trying to kill me. Any advice?_

"Oh, stop whining and start strutting, sweetie!" Mary Sue giggled as she jumped up and down in the most delightful way.

Groaning Harry and Draco stood up on the runway as the next swarm of friends were let in through the door and _I'm too sexy for my shirt_ started playing again. Draco and Harry began to strut. Again.

"I don't know why they want you here," Draco snarled to Harry while they were making a very sexy pose that made the girls scream. "I mean--you haven't got the faintest idea how to strut!"

"Oh, yea? Then why are you the boy that cries for daddy al the time?" Harry retorted.

"Because I have one!" snapped Draco right back at him. "And when he comes for me we just might leave you behind. Get me out of the nasty predicament of having to marry you!"

"You wish! That was a magically binding contract – there is no way of getting out of that!" Harry responded with a rather mean grin on his face. He couldn't help but to feel happy to know something Draco didn't.

"What are you talking about?" Draco asked haughtily.

"That us being voted the hottest bachelors had nothing to do with this," Harry said with a lopsided smile as he struck a pose at the end of the runway.

"Now I know you're insane!" Draco snapped.

"Oh, really?" Harry said grinning as he listened to the girls swoon around him. "Then I guess you don't want to know then."

"Very funny," Draco answered sarcastically flashing his chest making two of the girls faint with excitement. "Spill it!"

"Alright, since you asked so politely!" Harry mocked. "The reason we are forced to marry is because our parents made a magically binding contract stating that we would before we were even born."

"Nonsense! We are both boys! Why would they do that?"

"Apparently you were going to be a girl…so I guess that means that you will be the wife of our marriage," Harry mocked and watched as another girl fainted at the sight of Draco's bare chest. With a sudden inspiration and without listening to the nonsense coming from Draco, he ripped his T-shirt open and watched as at least 7 girls fainted as a response.

Draco watched as the girls fainted at the sight of Harry's chest. Jealously filled him as he realized that only 3 girls had fainted from looking at him. Annoyed, he ripped his leather jacket from his body and spun around making 2 more girls faint with excitement. Ruddy hell! He was still short by one.

His silver eyes locked against Harry's emerald ones and he wondered how he would get more girls to faint that the arrogant git standing in front of him. His pants perhaps…or…

They both got the idea at the same time. In a very dramatic movement they sat down and grabbed a girl next to the runway and kissed her. The screams followed by several loud thuds told Harry that the rest of the girls had fainted as well.

Quickly, he grabbed the head of Mary Sue whom he was kissing and turned it to watch Draco snogg Maryanna Suzette, making her moan most delightfully. _Looks like he's actually quite good at that_, Harry thought with some surprise as Mary Sue fainted in his arms. Before Maryanna Suzette had any chance of noticing Harry threw himself after Marilue Susan and grabbed their wands. Two seconds later he stunned Maryanna and tossed Draco his ownwand.

"Let's go before they come to their senses!" Harry ordered and took the lead out of the room. Draco seemed rather annoyed that the kiss had ended, but followed Harry out of the building nevertheless. This was not the time for animosity but for co-operation. (A/N: J.K. Rowling may not know this, but Draco can be very good at cooperation if he needs to be.)

When they reached the fresh air they heard the girls coming behind them, screaming. They quickened their paces just as it hit them – they were on an island! There was no way out. The only thing present besides the house and the girls coming after them was an albino moose, and Harry couldn't see how that could help.

He turned and tried to figure out what to do, when it hit him. _An albino moose? What would an albino moose do on an island?_ Once again, he turned and looked at the moose, who now lifted its head and watched the two boys with naked chests and the many girls running towards them.

Suddenly, the moose seemed to make a decision.

"Hop on!" it said to Harry's great surprise. "I'll fly you out of here." Draco screamed almost as high pitched as the girls behind him, but Harry grabbed him and dragged him towards the moose.

"You can fly?" Harry asked. He watched as the moose unfolded great wings from his side as he nodded.

"Do you know where Hogwarts is? Can you take us there?" Harry then asked. The moose nodded again and Harry realized that this would be their only way out. He climbed the moose, dragging a sobbing Draco on behind him.

The moose took off as soon as he felt them both sitting securely on his back.They rose to the air just as the pretty girls caught up with them and started reaching for them. Harry held on tight across the neck on the moose, wishing that Draco would release his grip on his waist some since he could hardly breathe and started to fear bruises.

"How long will this take?" Harry asked the moose.

"A few days," answered the moose, as they soared out over the water.

* * *

Nott stared at the letter in front of him. Marrying Granger? She was a mudblood, for crying out loud…well apparently not, but still, she was raised with Muggles. How on earth would a woman raised with Muggles be able to be a suiting mother to the 12 children the Nott family always had? And would she bring strange ideas about child rearing into the marriage? Things like raising them yourselves or other weird ideas like that. 

He looked over at Luna Lovegood sitting at the Ravenclaw table. Her blond locks falling across her shoulders as she gazed dreamily up on the ceiling. He had secretly been hoping that she would be his appointed wife. She was a pureblood. And although her father had disgraced the lineage by founding a paper like the Quibbler, he was convinced that she could learn to live according to the traditional ways. Learning to become a trophy wife, bearing the 12 mandatory Nott children and then leaving them to the nannies to bring up. Yes, she would have been perfect. But now he was stuck with Granger instead.

Zabini looked across the Hall, meeting again the mudblood's, well Grangers eyes. He had worried how he could find her chocolate eyes so intriguing. He had been scared because she was a mudblood--and he wasn't supposed to be attracted to mudbloods--but now she wasn't one after all – but instead engaged to Nott.

She didn't look happy about it, and the red head guy she was always with was apparently very upset. Idiot, like he would stand a chance with someone as delicate and beautiful as the sad goddess beside him. He had liked it better when she spent time with Potter. True the guy was an idiot, but at least he was a famous idiot, and therefore more in her league than Weasley.

Since Potter's and Malfoy's kidnapping, however, Weasley and Granger had been inseparable. Still, the way she looked at him from across the Halls at meals, or the way she regularly dropped things in front of him allowing her to show of those delicious curves as she picked it up, told Blaise that she really wasn't into Weasley at all. He would have sniggered if Nott wasn't engaged to her.

He looked over at Nott and saw him staring at the Lovegood girl over at the Ravenclaw table. She looked just as dreamy and weird as ever, but for some reason Nott seemed to find it attractive. Suddenly, a scheme formed in Blaise's mind. If Nott was going to get his hands on the woman he wanted, then he would take the one Nott wanted. He would seduce the Lovegood girl with his blue eyes and his black hair that fell dangerously into his eyes until she agreed to be his date to the Thanksgiving ball. Depending on how that went he might just get Nott back properly by proposing to the girl. He wouldn't make her happy, nor did he want to. But he would make Nott miserable for stealing Granger from him

* * *

Luna looked up at the ceiling of the classroom, while Binns continued his ramblings. Luna, however, didn't pay attention to what he was saying. She was daydreaming about Theodore Nott and/or Colin Creevy – she really couldn't decide. 

On the one hand there was Nott. He was tall, different, calm and definitely interested, she knew that. They also had many things in common. They both lost their mothers, they were both pureblood of rather noble decent, and they were both the odd one out in their houses.

But then there was Colin. He was everything that Nott wasn't. He was funny, cute, eccentric and brave. Oh, he was very brave. She still remembered how he in their first year actually had tried to photograph the Basilisk. That was so courageous. Dreamily she imagined what it would have been like if he had been in Sweden with her this summer, walking in the mountains hand in hand, looking at the never setting sun, looking for the _Crumple-Horned Snorkack_.

Suddenly it appeared in front of them, it was absolutely beautiful. Big curved horns on top of its head, a big hump on it's back. Almost afraid to breathe of fear of scaring it of Luna held her breath as Colin picked up his camera from his wallet and unfolded it. He snapped a picture of the beautiful creature.

Suddenly, the animal roared in anger. It turned on Colin and Luna and lowered its horns – stomping it's foot before it charged after them. Terrified they turned and ran, but the Snorkack was too fast. Giving her the camera Colin pushed her away and started waiving his hand at the end of the cliff. The Snorkack charged, but when it reached Colin he grabbed its horns and dragged it with him in the fall of the cliff. Screaming at her to publish his pictures, he vanished from sight.

"Luna! Luna!" someone said and pushed her. "Luna, wake up!" the voice said again.

"Look, Loony Lovegood is sleeping!" she heard a boy laugh behind her. Suddenly realizing where she was she sat up and looked around. _Buggers! Even in her dreams it didn't work out the way she wanted it to, _she thought, annoyed.

Slowly she got up and started walking. She followed the rest of the class to the Transfiguration classroom. She only half listened to the girls giggling and whispering behind her until she heard them mentioning Nott's name. She sharpened her ears and started walking more slowly to hear what they said.

"It can't be true! Everyone knows Granger is a muggleborn!" one of the girls whispered.

"Apparently she's not. She's apparently of a very noble wizarding family, and now the Ministry has decided that she should marry Nott," another girl filled in.

"Poor Harry," she heard Cho Chang whispering sadly, and Luna remembered that she always imagined that Harry fancied Hermione. Ridiculous, but then Cho was still very fond of Harry. Then it hit her! Nott was going to marry Hermione! Suddenly the world went dark. If he was, then there was no hope for her to ever get together with him. Colin was now her only option, but would the Ministry allow her to marry someone that wasn't pureblood? Was he even interested?

* * *

Colin was standing in the corner of the room watching Luna. She was really everything he wanted in a girl. If only he had the courage to ask her! He'd face the Basilisk any day to get out of being the one that had to ask. Oh, she looked at him! Quickly he turned away his head and looked at Ginny instead. Safe! He thought. 

Luna glanced over at Colin. He was staring at Ginny. With a heavy heart she started to realize that it would never happen. He did not like her. He fancied Ginny Weasley. _He and the rest of the school_, she thought as she looked at the beautiful young woman. She frowned and turned her eyes to the ceiling again. _At least I have my dreams_, she thought while walking away towards the Great Hall.

Colin watched Luna as she walked away. _Stupid, stupid, stupid!_ he thought. There was another chance ruined. He would never get to ask her to the ball if he started staring at Ginny everytime Luna shot him a glance. He sighed and hung his head as he watched her back.

Suddenly, Luna crashed into someone. Walking around staring at the ceiling did have its disadvantages. She bent down to pick up her books. She was surprised to see Blaise Zabini sitting down in front of her and starting to help her. He gave her a lopsided smile, tossed his black hair and winked with his right eye. Confused Luna looked at him as he handed her her books.

"I could carry them for you," he said and winked with his right eye again.

"Why?" Luna asked confused.

"Ehm, I dunno. So you won't have to, I guess," Blaise responded somewhat confused, but then he smiled and winked again.

"I'm fine, thank you," answered Luna and started to walk away. "Oh, and you should really get that eye checked out I think you might have gotten a Turgoat in it."

"A Tur…what?" Blaise answered even more confused.

"A Turgoat! My dad says they are really common this time of year and the way you're blinking I think there is a risk you have on in your right eye," Luna offered helpfully before she turned and started walking off again.

Blaise stood staring after her not knowing what to do. That had been his most seductive wink! Then he realized that he needed to act fast, his plan was failing! He took to large steps to catch up and grabbed her. Luna just looked at him dreamily.

"Would you like to go to the ball with me?" Blaise blurted out, realizing that seduction wouldn't work with Loony Lovegood. Luna looked at him one more time, then shrugged her shoulders.

"Sure I have no one else to go with," she answered plainly. "But I don't dance!" she then added before she turned and left leaving a very confused Blaise behind her.

Blaise wasn't the only one that was staring at her when she left. Colin watched her too, feeling like someone had punched him in the gut. Blaise had asked so casually! As if he wasn't asking the most special girl in the school. And she had accepted. It was too late. He hadn't dared and now he would never get her. Heartbroken, he walked off swearing never to love again.

* * *

Ginny stretched out on her king-size bed in the Prefects room. It was really nice to have a room of your own, she thought, as she relished the luxurious feel of the red silk sheets against her soft white skin. Still, she wasn't happy. She was confused. The past few weeks' activities – Harry's and Draco's appearance at the station, seeing them both dressed completely in leather, the announcement of their engagement, their kidnapping, Hermione's upcoming marriage…Ginny felt her head spin; this was getting far too complicated. 

She remembered Hermione's upset face from last night.

"They're making me marry Nott, Ginny! Can you believe it? And apparently I have parents I didn't know existed, and my parents are not really my parents." Ginny hadn't known what to say, it was sucha mess. Then there were Crabbe and Goyle.

In Draco's absence, they had found a new level of confidence. They walked around the hallways as if they owned the place, scaring first and second years and looking at girls as if they wanted to devour them. They had looked at her like that too, and although she knew she wasn't supposed to like it – Ron had been prepared to take them on right then and there for just looking at her, and Neville would probably have been to if he hadn't been to busy snogging Parvati, or was it Padma, sometimes she wasn't even sure he knew anymore. Still, she _had_ liked it. She had felt her knees buckle with lust at one single glance from the two big, muscular beefcakes.

She had always just looked at them as goons. Big and lumpy. But now, she could see that the years of Quidditch training had toned their muscles to perfection and just thinking about having either one of them grab her made her groan. Sure Ron would hate it, but then he would just have to get over himself. It was not his problem who she dated. Besides he probably had enough problems on his own now that Hermione was engaged. And he couldn't take Padma to the ball--she was probably going with Neville – that was unless he was going with Parvati or Lavender. He had, after all, been dating all three of them lately.

It was really funny when you thought about it, but he too had gained confidence since Harry and Draco were kidnapped. And him turning up without a shirt on Care of Magical creatures with Ravenclaw had stunned her, Lavender, Parvati and Padma alike. (A/N OK, OK, I am aware of Ginny not being in the same class as Neville normally – but she is a very clever girl, and I'm sure they let her in because she is so advanced anyway.) She had never guessed that he had been hiding that sixpack under the boring school robes – if she had she would probably not have dismissed him so fast when they went to the Yule Ball together.

She might have taken up the fight with Lavender, Parvati and Padma if it hadn't been for Crabbe and Goyle. That had been the day when they first had looked at her as a woman. It was that day that she realized that she always had been attracted to them, that she do just about anything to get a date with them. Problem was which one did she want most? She just couldn't decide, and she still didn't know if either boy really wanted her.

She got up and took a good look at herself in the mirror. She had really filled out during summer she noticed, and she was pleased to see the way her black silk nightgown caressed those beautiful new curves. She also marveled at how silky and beautiful her red hair looked. For some reason it had darkened considerably during the last few days and it was now a deep shade of copper. It matched her big bright brown eyes perfectly. No of course they would want her – how could they not want this sexy goddess that was looking back at her from the mirror. She knew from looking at herself that there was only one thing to do – she would have to make them decide for her.


	5. The Ball

**The Ball**

The next day, Ginny was leaning against a tree watching Crabbe and Goyle who were surrounded by giggling Slytherin girls. She had looked forward to this moment for weeks, the moment she would finally approach them. Now her heart was racing in her chest with excitement. She was confident it would work. After all, Dean and Seamus had actually whimpered with need when they laid eyes on her at breakfast. Ron hated it. He had scowled and if he had been in a bad mood before (which he had been since Mione's engagement was announced), he had been furious when he saw the Gryffindor boys drooling all over her today.

She grinned. She was only wearing her school uniform after all. True it was last year's uniform. That was far too small for her new curvy body. The skirt stopped mid-thigh, and she had actually had trouble buttoning the blouse because it was so tight. The result was compelling; a sexy goddess had stared back at her from the mirror once she was dressed. To complete the look, she had put her hair up in a sloppy knot that made her neck look longer and even more gracious than usual.

So far everything had gone her way. It was a very hot day for November, so she didn't need robes or cloak to warm her even as she stood like this outside. The entire school was taking advantage of the warm weather, and so far most of the boys either groaned, moaned or drooled when she walked by.

The only one who seemed unaffected was Neville, who was making out with Lavender and the Patil twins just a short distance away. She listened mindlessly as Lavender seductively purred as Neville kissed her neck, and how Partvati giggled assheasked him, "how on earth did you manage to get such a well-toned body without my noticing?"

He broke away from Lavender's neck just long enough to answer. "All those years of watching Quidditch has done wonders for this fine physique," as he puffed out his well-developed chest and flexed the bicep in his free arm.

Ginny made her move towards Crabbe and Goyle.

She made sure to walk as sexily as she could, careful not tomove too fast. She didn't want them to think she was desperate, after all. Half-way there she caught their eyes and smiled seductively as she raised her hands and in one smooth motion let her hair fall freely across her shoulders.

She did not have to wait long for their reactions. Crabbe and Goyle fixed her with their sexy eyes while her former boyfriend, Michael Corner, got a very hard knee in the groin from his new girlfriend,Cho, because he was staring at Ginny with his mouth gaping. A few steps more and Ginny was standing in front of her two beefcake dream-guys, looking at them while they ravished her with their eyes.

"I've decided that one of you two will have the great honor of accompanying me to the ball," she started. "I have not been able to pick who that is going to be, though," she continued ,eyeing the muscular gods in front of her, "so that decision is up to you. Now, which one of you is it going to be?" she then asked with more confidence than she felt, standing so close to the two men she desperatelywanted. She was sure everyone could hear how loud her heart was pounding in her chest.

The boys looked at each other and then at her.They eachtook one step closer to her, standing so close to her that she could hardly breathe out of want for their rock-hard bodies.

"And what if we don't want to choose?" Crabbe said in a darkly seductive voice, as he looked at Ginny so intently, she felt that he was undressing her with his eyes. He licked his lips with anticipation making them glisten in the sun. Oh, Ginny could hardly contain her desire to taste them.

"What if we say we both will take you?" Goyle continued, with a dangerous glint in his eyes.Ginny tore her eyes from Crabbe's sexy, sculpted mouth to see Goyle run his hand through his hair sexily and give her a wicked wink. He reached up to stroke her cheek with a finger and she trembled.

She was so filled with lust at the thought of arriving at the ball between the two of them, that her knees nearly buckled under her. But,she still managed to shoot them both a sexy smile as she quickly made a decision.

"Sure, if that is your wish - so be it." she answered coolly, her voice calmer than her heart. "But if you think that is going to be something permanent, you are both wrong. I'll go with you both to the ball, but before New-Year's Eve you will decide on which one of you will continue to..., _have_ me." she said plainly, before turning and striding off, trying her best tolook very cool and collected. _Oh, what a fun decision this will turn out to be_, she thought. As she reached up to put her hair back into its sexy bun, she looked back at Crabbe and Goyle and sent them her most seductive wink before entering the castle doors.

Ron ,who had been sulking just a short distance away, was furious, and Hermione couldn't help but look impressed. With a smile playing in the corners of her mouth, Ginny realized that, once again, Neville was the only one that hadn't seemed to pay attention to her.

* * *

The School had been in such a buzz since Dumbledore announced the Thanksgiving Ball. The excitement only grew in intensity when the band was announced: a group called The Backstreet Boys. 

"Who are they? I never heard of them." Ron said, puzzlement dancing across his face.

"Well, they were a muggle boy-band, but the muggles got bored witht them after awhile, and now many wizards and witches--well, _mostly_ witches--love them," Hermione said from behind a rather large book. But, behind that big book was a magazine she brought from home that contained a huge article about the Backstreet Boys. Her favorite was Brian, with that good-boy personality that just made her swoon.

"And just how would you know that, Mya?" Ron asked bofore he stuffed his mouth with a piece of chocolate-covered raisin cake.

"Mya? Where do you get off calling me _Mya_?"

"Sorry Hermione, but Isis (the author of this chapter) is tired of typing, whatever that means, your whole name out."

_I'll get you for this, Isis, whoever you are._ (Isis: Now, now Hermione! I see all...) H_ow lazy are you that you can't type a few extra letters?_

(Isis: Get on with it) _You're the one stalling. Honestly._

"Hey, 'Mione, who's Alex?" Ron asked looking over Hermione's notes.

"Give me that, _Ronald_! And I'm asking you nicely: quit calling by those dumb pet names!" She cried, grabbing back her precious notes.

Just then Lavender came over.

"So Hermione, what designer are you going with for the ball?" she asked.

"Alexander McQueen, why?"

"When did you get the dress?"

"The day after Dumbledore annouced it. Again, why are you asking?"

"Which dress?" she asked, tossing a magazine in front of Hermione.

"Look 35, if you must know." Hermione couldn't really care less these days, what with her best friend missing, having to marry Nott, and..., there was something else bugging her... oh yeah,the War with Voldemort. It was just all too much right now.

Just then, the Great Hall doors swung open and Harry, Draco and am albino moose all walked in.

"HARRY! Oh, My!" Hermione screamed, nearly tackling Harry.

"Ow! Hermione...nice to see you too." Harry gasped, patting her on the back.

"What happened? Why is your shirt ripped? Why do you smell of Curious(tm) perfume?"

"Please,if we could just sitdown,I'll explain." Harry pleaded, ready for a rest.

Harry then began to tell them about Dewy and showed them the book, told them about the dancing cows and then being kidnapped by a group of girls whose names were all variations on 'Mary Sue' and how they made the boys strut for two weeks straight. Harry hesitantly explained about Frank the Flying Albino Moose who had saved them. After Harry finished, Hermione and Ron simply responded with gaping jaws for five whole minutes.

"What, nothing?" Harry asked looking to both his friends, anxious to break the painful silence.

Ron was beyond stunned. Hermione just looked from Harry, to Draco, to the Moose and then her eyes landed on the book.

"...Harry, by any chance...,er, have you looked in the book?" she cautiously asked.

"Did you not hear what I just said? I was too busy being kidnapped by crazed, dancing cows and some Mary Sue freaks who want nothing more in life than to strand me and Draco on an island and make us show off our sweet bums for two weeks!"

"I'm sorry, Harry," Hermione replied, chewing her lip in her worry for Harry's sanity.

"Its OK, Hermione, I know you were worried." Harry said, taking a heavy breath. He had to admit it, his story really did sound crazy. Just then, he heard a shriek from the Teacher's Table.

"PPOTTTERRRR!" It was Professor McGonagall, tripping over all the extra letters she put in Harry's surname. "Albus, Its Potter!"

"Harry, Mr. Malfoy," Dumbledore called across the Hall, "follow me." The two followed the Headmaster to his office. Dumbledore had sent word to Hargid to take the Albino Moose to the grounds before he turned to the boys. "Animal cracker? Although, I'm not entirely sure why they are called crackers, they seem morelike biscuits to me." Harry took a few, but Draco passed. Just then, Dumbledore pulled a three goblets out of his pockets, and some Orange Pop, then poured some for Harry, Draco and himself. He sat himself then turned to Harry and asked to them to retell their story. While Harry told the whole story for the second time in a day, the most Draco did was nod in agreement, something he never thought he would do. But listening to Potter tell the story made Draco look at Potter in a way that he never did before, though he couldn't place his finger on the difference.

"Well, that is a most intruging story, but the most important thing is that you are both safe, Now, I will ask you to return to your houses to get ready for the Thanksgiving Ball with the The American Mary-Sue School of Fangirls of America."

"Thanksgiving?" Isn't that an American Holiday?" Harry asked.

"Yes, we needed a reason to distract the students from your disappearance." (A/N: We thought it would be funny)

Harry's mind began to race as he walked back to the Gryffindor dorms. Who would he ask? Ginny? No, Hermione? No, then like a brick it hit him- Tonks! But would she say yes? He raced to the Gryffindor common room and flooed his head to Order Headquarters.

"Hello?" Harry saw Lupin pass the fireplace."Remus? Remus, is Tonks here?"

"Oh, hello Harry," He said as he kelt in front of the fire, "Um, yeah she here, hold on, TONKS!" Remus yelled. A few moment later Tonks, whose hair today was bleach blondeand in a single braid that reached down to her hips, walked over.

"Wotcher, Harry"

"Do you need me here?" Remus asked.

Even though the fire, Harry began to turn a bright shade of red. "Um, no thanks." Harry and Tonks watched as Remus walked out of the room.

"So what did ya need, Harry?"

Well...see, I guess, er,there's this ball tonight, and I, er,need a date. So wouldyou beinterested," Harry rushed, trying to spit out the words he was so nervous to say.

"You mean the Thanksgiving Ball?"

"Yeah."

"Well I'll be there, but as a chaperone. I can save you a dance, though," she looked at Harry, flashing that trademark Tonks smile (tm).

"I understand. Well, thanks anyway." Harry pulled his head out of the fireplace. Harry went back to the Great Hall, greatly depressed. Who could he take? He plopped down next to Hermione, who was looking at a magazine, quietly squeeing over something that Harry didn't care about at all.

"Potter." Out of nowhere came a familiarsly voice, and Harry didn't need to turn around to know who it was.

"What, Malfoy?" He questioned.

"Not that I really want this to happen, but since every girl is taken, and by that nitwit Longbottom of all the morons, and all the forced marriges must go together anyway, well,I'm telling you that you must be MY date." His eyes flashed in hatred saying **my date, and **Harry wasn't all too happy about it either.

Hermione stopped, and began to cry. She jumped up and pushed by Malfoy.

"Nott's not happy about it either!" Draco yelled after her pleased that at least he wasn't the only one miserable around here.

"Look, Malfoy, tonight can happen one of two ways. One, we let this bull the Ministry is pulling get to us, or Two, at least make it look like it doesn't bother us." (A/N: Haha! Bother Bother! Oh no, hopefully Dumbledore won't want any naked time... Ack!)

"Normally, I would have opted for One, but I go with Two, just for tonight. Just so you know, I still hate you. So, what are you wearing?" Draco perked up a bit at the thought of a stylish new outfit.

Harry picked up Lavender's Alexander McQueen catalogueand flipped to the Men's section. "This one." Harry said, pointing to a black number with leather and mesh on the chest.

"Why, Potter coming to the dark side are we?" Malfoy mocked, cocking an eyebrow.

"Well, what are you wearing?" Harry thrust the catalogue into Draco's hands.

Draco flipped though the magazine, and Harry was shocked to see that Draco Malfoy was going to wear a Muggle designer.

"This one." Draco pointed to a white three piece, with anoff-white turtleneck and the white pants and a long white overcoat covered in silver designs.A silver chain belt brought it all together. Harry was stunned. "So, now we have that out of the way, I'll meet you in the Entrance Hall."

"Fine."

Just before they dismissed lunch, Professor Flickwick anncouned that The American Mary-Sue School of Fangirls of America would be arriving in two hours time, and the Ball would start at 8:00. This gave Harry 6 hours to relax and not think about tonight. (A/N: Just in case your wondering, it's Saturday, because I say.)

Around 3:00, Harry began to get ready. He went down to the locker rooms, where he know he would get some privacy. Harry so wanted to look oh-so-sexy for Tonks. He tried to put himself in a sexy frame of mind. _Think bad, Harry, think wicked,_ he chanted to himself.He practiced flexing his biceps--they were going to show wearing a sleeveless top. He picked up a long,leather whip that Oliver had left in the locker room with an even Bigger Staff,and imagined adding it to his ensemble. _Now, what could I do with this?_

After spending hours thinking sexy thoughts, he headed back to the castle. When he got back up to the common room, all the guys were sitting around waiting for their dates, and Harry went up to the 7th year boys dorm to change. He stared in the mirror for a few minutes to make sure everything was perfect, then he hurried to the Entrance Hall to meet Draco. When Harry got there he saw a number of people waiting for their dates from other houses or the Mary Sues. Harry could pick Draco out of a crowd, like a rose out of sunflowers.

At 8:00, the doors swung open to reveal the outstanding colours of fall that adorned the Hall. The walls were covered in turkeys and the ceiling was raining falling leaves. On stage, the band stuck up a mid tempo song and a group of the girls fainted in response. Many of the couples made their way to the floor, but Harry moved toward the refreshments. As The Backstreet Boys ended their first song, Harry felt a hand on his shoulder.

"May I?" Harry turned to see Tonks in a creme coloured dress with tan strips criss-crossing over her body.Her hair was pulled into a single ponytail that had beads that accentedthe lookperfectly.

"Alexander McQueen?" Harry asked smiling.

"Last season, but I like. Wanna dance?"

"Sure, but I'm horrid."

"So am I." She said, laughing and taking his hand. Tonks hadlied.In Harry's mind, the two of themseemed to glide effortlessly over the floor and many couples moved off the floor to watch their dance. Harry could barely hear the song, he was so entranced with feeling Tonks in his arms, but it faintly sounded like a song that Harry had heard Dudley listen to it was called "I'll Never Break Your Heart". The song, however,ended much too soon for Harry's liking. Just as if she was reading his mind, like she always could, Tonks whispered in his ear, "I'll want another dance with you soon, but I need to make the rounds right now." Harry stiffened at feeling her hot breath on his ear.Dancing with Tonks was like a dream he didn't want to wake up from. Harry was in such a daze that it took Draco a few times to get him to snap out of it.

"Potter, Potter, POTTER! Come on, we have to dance. Stupid Ministry," Draco grumbled as he dragged Harry to the center of the floor. "Might as well give them the best view, right?" He said arching his eyebrow. Many of the girls stopped dancing again and watched the two boys in the center of the floor. The May Sues fainted at the sight of two hotties together like that. Draco began to pull all his best dance moves, butit took a while for Harry to find his step. Soon , however, he was upstaging Draco.

Draco wouldn't stand for this, of course, so he ripped off his coat and danced even harder. The last Mary Sue standing crawled across the floor to nab the coat. Even the professors began to watch as Draco busted a groove. Harry tried to think of how to outshine Draco, but all he could think of was shaking his tush a bit more. McGonagall gasped at the sight. Harry continued, and realized he felt something bump against his leg as he danced. Oliver's whip! Harry pulled it out and unfurled it. Draco locked his silver eyes on it and panted even harder. Harry cracked the whip towards him. Everyone in the room cried out.

"Isn't that Oliver's old whip?" Madame Hooch called out, blushing as she realized she probably shouldn't admit she knew to whom it had belonged.

The dance-off had lasted for twosongs. Harry and Draco, both red-faced and sweating, were met with ear-bursting applause. Harry stumbled over to sit down, hoping to restfor a little while. He watched Dumbledore and McGonagall dance like they were in a muggle nightclub, somehow sickly fascinated by the strange sight. _Oh my--did Professor Dumbledore just grab Professor McGonagall's-- Oh Merlin, I think I'm gonna be sick_-- To save his dinner, Harry looked away.

He turned to watch various other couples dancing, Ginny was sandwiched between Crabbe and Goyle, at which Ron looked absolutely furious. Hermione, on the other hand, couldn't have looked happier than she did right now in Blaise's arms. Harry sighed at the strangeness of all that had changed while he'd been gone.

Soon after, Tonks came back to Harry for the last dance. The last song was from the BackStreet Boys' new album. Everything else--the dance with Draco, the antics of Dumbledore, the sudden confidence of Crabbe and Goyle-- left his mind while he had Tonks to himself.Unfortunately, though, out of the corner of his eye, he saw Draco. Harry made a vow that he would lighten up on Draco, only if he could just stay in this moment forever. He sqeezed Tonks ever closer. Gods, she smelled so nice.But of course, all dreams come to an end. As the song closed, he found the courage to kiss Tonks on the cheek, and she flushed. They said their goodbyes once the ball was over, Tonks promising she's catch up with Harry at Grimmauld Place next time he was there. Harry couldn't wait.

As he began to leave, Hermione ran over.

"Harry! I got invited to the after-party!" She squealed. Hermione raced off to the common room to slip into something more comfortable.

* * *

A/N: Yes I am obessed with Alexander McQueen. He is who I design a lot of my clothes after. To see everyone's looks, go to his site(on our author's page).hermione's is look 35 in the spring/summer, collection in the archive.Harry & Draco's are in the men's spring/summer, 2(harry) & 7(draco).Tonks is in the Autumn/Winter 04-05 collection look 14. and yes I am a harry/tonks shipper. HMS Messy Pink all the way! 


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